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Gaz’s Guide: Hang Like a High Roller

The Gazillionaire raising his arm, telling joke in the Spiegeltent at Absinthe

Not the type to let a global pandemic get in the way of a good time? Then now’s your chance to do Vegas like the ballers do—and at a fraction of the cost. From first class flights and accommodations to luxury dining, shopping and other rarified recreational activities, there’s never been a better time to explore Sin City’s legendary excess for less. To help you get in the big money mood, we spoke with Absinthe’s The Gazillionaire, who was kind (or as he so succinctly put it, “bored”) enough to share a few of his favorite ways to live large in Las Vegas. 
Forum Shops at Caesars Palace
The Forum Shops at Caesars Palace
Can you say ‘
Ver-sayce?’ Shop like the Showgirls at Las Vegas’ definitive luxury shopping destination. We’re talking Armani, Balenciaga, Breitling, Burberry, Christian Louboutin, Fendi, Gucci, Hublot, La Perla, Louis Vuitton, Tourneau, Valentino, Van Cleef & Arpels…y’know, the good stuff. Or better yet, shop like Gaz—and by that, we mean have Forum Shops’ concierge hook you up with private presentations at all your favorite spots.

Impresario's Reserve at Absinthe Las Vegas
Impresario’s Reserve Tickets to Absinthe
Experience the greatest show in Vegas history—and yes, that’s an
actual quote from an actual publication—in style! With Impresario’s Reserve tickets, you get to bypass the plebes via secret entrance before taking the very best seats in the house. Like, seats so good, acts will happen as close to in-your-face as safe social distancing allows. Plus, the first drink’s on Gaz!

Even Gazillionaires get namaste from time to time, they just prefer to do so amidst the untrampled tranquility of spots like the top of the Valley of Fire—which can only be reached by helicopter. And now you can, too! Treat up to five members of your entourage to a 2.5-hour yoga adventure, including 75-minute outdoor lesson (adaptable to all levels), custom playlist and instruction transmitted through wireless headsets and round-trip travel from the Vegas Strip to the Valley of Fire.

Krug Chef's Table at Restaurant Guy Savoy
Krug Chef’s Table at Restaurant Guy Savoy
Michelin stars and $75 soups may not be as rare as they once were, but when it comes to fine dining, you still can’t beat the Krug Chef’s Table at
Restaurant Guy Savoy. The only Krug Table in the US, it seats up to six—in the actual kitchen. So you not only get a 10-course tasting menu of Savoy’s signature dishes, you get to watch each dish being prepared, as well. And did we mention there’s a frickin’ BREAD SOMMELIER and Krug Cuvée Champagnes throughout? Because there is.

Dream Racing
Nothing says ‘micropenis’ like renting a half-million dollar, high performance vehicle just to sit in traffic on the Vegas Strip. Want to roll like a real baller? Take the wheel of your pick from
the best supercars on the market—including a Lamborghini Aventador Superveloce, Ferrari F12 Berlinetta, McLaren 720S, Porsche 911 GT2 RS or Aston Martin DB11and push ’em to their limits on a real-life racetrack. Better still, go Full Throttle and treat yourself to an adrenaline-fueled half-day behind the wheel of a 620 hp Lamborghini Huracán Super Trofeo race car, complete with your own professional pit crew.

Nobu Villa at Caesars Palace
Nobu Villa, Nobu Hotel at Caesars Palace
If all goes well, you won’t be doing too much sleeping during your visit—but you’ll still need a place to park your purchases and, ahem, ‘freshen up’ between extravagances. Plus, germaphobes and shy poopers will really appreciate the extra social distance
10,300 square feet and a private elevator affords. Hell, if it’s good enough for Drake, JLo, Miley Cyrus and Gaz, it should certainly be good enough for you.

10 Ways to Go Buck Wild in Las Vegas

Despite Las Vegas’s reputation for welcoming folks of all walks, beyond the Wrangler National Finals Rodeo, the city’s bona fides as a first-rate destination for modern cowboys/girls/folx and other Western lifestyle enthusiasts often go overlooked. To help address this oversight, we asked Boozy Skunkton, proprietrix and madam of Atomic Saloon, to share her picks for Sin City’s 10 most stampede-worthy experiences.
Play cowboy (for real) at Sandy Valley Ranch
Located “45 minutes and 100 years from Las Vegas,” Sandy Valley Ranch offers a range of immersive activities for would-be cowfolk, from 30-minute cattle rustling lessons and sunset trail rides to their signature all-day and overnight experiences.
Visit Vegas Vic (and the soon-to-return Vegas Vicky) on Fremont Street
The original neon cowboy, Vegas Vic has been holding down the corner of Fremont and First since 1951. Fun fact: Vic used to shout “HOWDY, PODNER!” in a 15-minute loop, but went silent after actor Lee Marvin complained about it while shooting The Professionals in 1966. (Allegedly.)
Clean up your coif at Cliff’s Barber Corral & Wild West Showcase
Hankering for a haircut and a history lesson, but pressed for time? Thanks to Cliff Wolosin, owner and master barber at the eponymous Cliff’s Barber Corral & Wild West Showcase, you don’t have to choose between the two. 
Enjoy Atomic Saloon Show from Boozy’s Box
There isn’t a bad seat in the house, but when it comes to high-rollin’, you can’t beat Boozy’s VIP boxes and booths. Party with up to four friends stage-side, or take in the show from above in your own private box. Either way, the first $200 towards your bar bill is on the house. Yee-haw!
Heed the call of the wild at Sam’s Town Sunset Stampede
Escape the desert heat for the cooler climes of Sam’s Town’s Mystic Falls Indoor Park, which brings the Western pioneer experience to life with music, dancing water, animatronic animals and laser lights at 2pm, 4pm, 6pm, 8pm and 10pm daily. Free!

Get your (prop) gun—and learn to spin it—at Western Stage Props
Need a new act? Stop by Western Stage Props for all the equipment, accessories and educational materials necessary to try your hand at trick roping, whip-cracking, knife and tomahawk throwing, gun spinning… even trick riding. (Horse not included.)

Toast a ghost at the Pioneer Saloon
Built in 1913, the delightfully ramshackle Pioneer Saloon is a longtime favorite location for Old West movie and TV shoots. But it was a different type of shoot, one that left bullet holes in the walls and an apparition roaming about, that continues to draw history buffs and ghost hunters in droves.

Ride the bull at Gilley’s Saloon, Dance Hall & BBQ
If you’ve ever thought time moves too slowly, you’ve never tried to go eight seconds on a buckin’ bronc. While in Vegas, there’s no better (or safer) place to try it than the legendary Gilley’s Saloon. Bull rides from 11am-2am daily, $10 per ride.

Line dance with a drag queen at Charlie’s Las Vegas
Free line dancing lessons aren’t all that hard to find. Free line dancing lessons followed by a drag show? Now we’re talking. As their slogan says, there’s no better place in Vegas to “drink, dance and play… the cowboy way.” Line dancing lessons every Saturday at 7pm, free.

Unwind at Canyon Ranch spa + fitness
Ready for a break? Escape the sensory overload of the Strip for the blissful environs of Canyon Ranch spa + fitness center. There may not be much (or any) livestock to speak of, but after a few days in Vegas, there’s no better place to unwind.

Area 51 Alternatives for Space Tourists

Let’s face it: Area 51 is far from a mystery. While it was once a happening hotspot, back when the Nevada desert was remote enough that anyone with a half-decent spacecraft could touch down without tripping any alarms or ending up on TMZ, those days are long gone. What remains, sadly, is little more than an intergalactic tourist trap—and that’s if you can actually get inside, a dicey proposition even among the most skilled teleporters and Jedi mind tricksters.

In other words, don’t believe the hype. And more importantly, don’t waste precious Vegas vacation time driving all the way out there, just to pose at the gate—and possibly get arrested. (Unless that’s your thing, in which case, good on ya.) Hot for an alien encounter? Take it from Captain Kunton of the starship OPM73 and chart a course for one of these out-of-this-world, only-in-Vegas hotspots instead.

Seven Magic Mountains
Located just south of Las Vegas along the I-15 highway, Seven Magic Mountains is among the galaxy’s most instagrammable works of public art. While often attributed to Swiss artist Ugo Rondinone, the true source of these mysterious, brightly colored monoliths has long been an open secret—off-planet, anyway. (Hint: it rhymes with “schmaliens.”)

Spocktails at the OPM73 Space Bar 
If modern mixology is equal parts art and science, Cosmopolitan’s Mariena Mercer Boarini is Las Vegas’s most inspired mad scientist. For irrefutable evidence of her expertise, book a flight aboard the spaceship OPM73, hit the bar and begin working your way through Boarini’s out-of-this-world menu of spaceflight-inspired Spocktails.

Lost Vegas: Tim Burton @ at the Neon Museum
Already one of the coolest under-the-radar destinations in Las Vegas, the Neon Museum recently upped that ante with a sitewide installation of original art pieces by acclaimed director Tim Burton—including many that fans of his 1996 sci-fi comedy, Mars Attacks!, are sure to recognize. Tickets from $30, through April 12, 2020. 

Alien Cathouse
Located just south of Area 51, Alien Cathouse is a legal brothel specializing in—what else?—sci-fi fantasy and other forms of cosmic kink. Not into close encounters? Grab a burger and some scandalous, space-themed souvenirs at the onsite bar/restaurant and gift shop.

Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area
Vegas is well known for its natural abundance of stars, albeit largely of the terrestrial variety. Surprisingly, you don’t have to venture too far outside the city to spot the celestial sort, as well. Surrounded by mountains, Red Rock Canyon’s 13-mile scenic drive is one of the best places to stargaze near Vegas.